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Not So Soft

by Ani DiFranco

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1.
Anticipate 03:20
you are subtle as a window pane standing in my view but i will wait for it to rain so that i can see you you call me up at night when there’s no light passing through and you think that i don’t understand but i do we don’t say everything that we could so that we can say later oh, you misunderstood i hold my cards up close to my chest i say what i have to and i hold back the rest someone you don’t know is someone you don’t know get a firm grip, girl before you let go for every hand extended another lies in wait keep an eye on that one anticipate dress down and get out there pick a fight with the police we’ll get it all on film for the new release seems like everyone’s an actor or they’re an actor's best friend i wonder what was wrong to begin with that they should all have to pretend we lose sight of everything when we have to keep checking our backs i think we should all just smile, come clean and relax if there’s anything i’ve learned all these years on my own it’s how to find my own way there and how to find my own way back home
2.
Rockabye 04:32
tending the garden of noise where i grow the traffic and the church bells and the neighborhood boys singing to myself when the solitude sets in in tune with the symphony of south brooklyn i sing rockabye, rockabye baby rockabye the baby that is me rockabye, rockabye baby rockabye till i’m fast asleep the tunnel is train torn the tracks are worn and sore i can feel the rattle riding up through the floor she jumped the turnstyle he paid for his ride i am the echo in the station where their footfalls collide i left her at the epicenter we were trembling dutifully then i left him too i left parts of me singing rockabye... i said, today i am leaving in every sense of the word but i’m in love with your memory already everything i’ve seen and heard and i will go singing as the solitude sets in in time with the rhythm of every where i have been it sounds like rockabye...
3.
She Says 03:36
she says forget what you have to do pretend there is nothing outside this room and like an idea she came to me but she came too late or maybe too soon i said please try not to love me close your eyes i’m turning on the light you know i have no vacancy and it’s awfully cold outside tonight the rain stains the brick a darker red slowly i’m rolling out of the bed the rain stains the street a darker black i dress my face in stone because i can’t go back i feel her eyes watching me from behind the curtain of her hair she says i’m sorry i didn’t mean to stare i say i think i really have to go now but oh baby maybe someday maybe somehow
4.
Make Me Stay 03:10
i’m going to turn and walk away you wait till i am far along then run and come and catch my arm and say you’d die if i were gone i want to hear you call my name it’s too easy just to say it soft i don’t like my language watered down i don’t like my edges rounded off i can’t always wait for your circumstance to improve love is loose it shifts each time you move go ahead put my back against the wall give it all up or don’t give it to me at all you never know this could be our last night so step back step back into the light so i can see your silhouette i’m not done looking yet save the profile for the camera give me your eye to eye i know all your secrets and you know all of mine mostly i don’t go for the soft focus and the fantasy i need something real i can think and say and see so i’m going to turn and walk away you wait till i am far along then run and come and catch my arm and say you’d die if i were gone yes, i’m going to turn and walk away you can watch me go or make me stay
5.
death has been your lover he has brought you the edges of your life and now you are looking over and all we can say is it’s going to be alright i am looking forward to looking back on these days when on every corner someone holds a sign that says i’m homeless i’m hungry and i have AIDS how will they define our generation in the coming decades who will tell the story and what will they say will they say the victims were thought of as criminals while the guilty sat on high deciding their fate ticking off statistics in their spare time tell me which is the crime may you never test positive pregnancy...HIV may you never be the receptacle of blame may you never be the scapegoat for a whole world full of shame may you never be fighting for your life and at the same have to fight for your name there are too few who open both eyes we sit back in our easy chairs and try to sympathize whether from the point of a needle or the edge of our beds we too, like too many others could be dead our actions will define us before a single definition can be said so what if god is testing us what if that’s true what are you going to do what is the answer to you
6.
Small World 03:33
she was shaking and talking louder and louder each sentence was sifted to a very fine powder her face was wet and tight her grip was cold and light a strong wind could blow you down i heard myself say and she said word up sister a strong wind could take me away i said how long have you been at large they told me you were stashed last time i asked she said i’ve been out now for all of three hours i just resurfaced and here you are i must admit that it has been hard so far i said skeletons are fine your closet or mine and we took turns recounting the details of lost time and when we had both admitted it all we threw our heads back and laughed until we cried we laughed because the world is absurd and beautiful and small there we were washed up on the curb as the rush hour traffic went out with the tide and i was aware that with every word spoken and shared i could see her shaking subside i said sister looks to me like you’re going to be fine
7.
Not So Soft 02:00
in a forest of stone underneath the corporate canopy where the sun rarely filters down the ground is not so soft not so soft they build buildings to house people making money or they build buildings to make money off housing people it’s true like a lot of things are true i am foraging for a phone booth on the forest floor that is not so soft i look up it looks like the buildings are burning but it’s just the sun setting in the windows the solar system calling an end to another business day eternally circling signaling the rhythmic clicking on and off of computers the pulse of the american machine the pulse that draws death dancing out of anonymous side streets (the ones that always get dumped on but never get plowed) it draws dancing out of little countries with funny languages where the ground is getting harder and it was not that soft before those who call the shots are never in the line of fire why when there is life for hire out there if a flag of truth were raised we could watch every liar rise to wave it here we learn america like a script playwright birthright same thing we bring ourselves to the role we are all rehearsing for the presidency i always wanted to be commander in chief of my one woman army but i can envision the mediocrity of my finest hour it is the failed america in me it is the fear that lives in a forest of stone underneath the corporate canopy where the sun rarely filters down and the ground is not so soft
8.
Roll With It 03:47
she says my ass hurts when i sit down she says my feet hurt when i’m standing around i think my body is as restless as my mind and i don’t know if i can roll with it this time she packed his uniforms and drove him to the base she was crying all the way, the world looked her in the face and said, roll with it baby make it your career keep the home fires burning till america is in the clear the mainstream is so polluted with lies once you are wet it’s so hard to get dry we are all taught how to justify history as it passes by and yes, it’s your world that comes crashing down when the big boys want to throw their weight around but just roll with it baby make it your career keep the home fires burning till america is in the clear what if the enemy isn’t in a distant land what if it lies behind the voice of command the sound of war is a child’s cry behind tinted windows they just drive by all i know is that those that are going to be killed aren’t those that preside on capitol hill i told him, don’t fill the front lines of their war those assholes aren’t worth dying for but he said roll with it baby make it your career keep the home fires burning till america is in the clear she says my ass hurts when i sit down she says my feet hurt when i’m standing around i think my body is as restless as my mind and i’m not gonna roll with it this time
9.
Itch 03:01
i am evening the score i’m cutting the umbilical chord curled with my teeth against my knees scratching at my consciousness like a bitch with fleas i think you’ll be greatly pleased to know that yours was the hardest itch to relieve this is me without my hair welcome to my open stare i’ve got nothing to hide no more why disguise what isn’t there i am an eyesore i am a detour you can find me crying on the shoulder of the road and i will tell you what you want to hear before i go and that is that yours was the hardest itch to relieve i’ve mapped out my course looks like it’s all uphill and i’ve got a heavy heart to carry but a very strong will it’s just hard to travel in the shadow of regret it’s so hard that i actually haven’t left yet
10.
Gratitude 03:13
thank you for letting me stay here thank you for taking me in thank you for the beer and the food thank you for loaning me bus fare thank you for showing me around that was a very kind thing to do thank you for the use of the clean towel thank you for half of your bed we can sleep here like brother and sister you said but you changed the rules in an hour or two i don’t know what you and your sisters do but please don’t please stop this is not my obligation what does my body have to do with my gratitude look at you little white lying for the purpose of justifying what you are trying to do i know that you feel my resistance i know that you heard what i said otherwise you wouldn’t need the excuse thank you for letting me stay here thank you for taking me in i don’t know where else i would have gone but i don’t come and go like a pop song you can play incessantly and then forget once it’s gone you can’t write me off and you don’t turn me on so don’t change the rules in an hour or two i don’t know what you and your sisters do but please don’t please stop this is not my obligation what does my body have to do with my gratitude
11.
we can touch touch our girl cheeks and we can hold hands like paper dolls we can try try each other on in the privacy within new york city’s walls we can kiss kiss goodnight and we can go home wondering what would it be like if if i did not have a boyfriend and we could spend the whole night i am waking up in her bed i sing 1st avenue the open window said always late to sleep late to rise lying here watching the day go by in the living room there are people on the carpet having stupid conversations just to hear themselves talk and i am drifting through i am headed for the kitchen i am thinking of her fingers as i walk
12.
hello it’s me i’m returning your call it’s monday wednesday friday between noon and three he says i usually just let the phone ring but i’ve always got a minute of time for the next big thing and i wonder how he can see where he’s going with those dollar signs in his eyes i say thank you for your interest but my thing is already just the right size hello it’s me yes, i’ll play for the door nothing more on a tuesday he says baby what is your name i forgot he says baby tell me again are you really hot and i think he does not hear what i’m saying he’s just looking at my 8 x 10 and wondering about the part that was left out does she have a body that will really draw them in how much do you want how much are you willing to do baby, this is no business for a sweet little girl like you can you play the game act it out frame for frame do you know your lines let me hear them one more time but i’d rather pay my dues to the six people sitting at the bar than to all those men in their business suits who say i’ll take you away from this if you’ll just get in the car
13.
she sat there like a photograph of someone much farther away we shared a brief bus stop on one of those in between days she gave me her smile and i looked underneath at the lipstick on her teeth she asked me for a light and if i thought her hair looked ok we grew out of the small talk into stuff that strangers just don’t say we discovered that we are both pleasantly furious half of the time when we are not just toeing the line we sat underneath the shelter as the rain came down outside the bench was cold against the underside of our thighs i said, i think we need new responses every question is a revolving door and she said yeah, my life may not be something special but it’s never been lived before we decided our urgency will wane when we grow old there will be a new generation of anger new stories to be told but i said, i don’t know if i can wait for that peace to be mine and she said, well, you know we’ve been waiting for this bus for an awfully long time
14.
i am looking for the holes the holes in your jeans because i want to know are they worn out in the seat or are they worn out in the knees there are so many ways to wear what we have before it’s gone to make use of what is there i don’t wear anything i can’t wipe my hands on do your politics fit between the headlines are they written in newsprint are they distant mine are crossing an empty parking lot they are a woman walking home at night, alone they are six strings that sing and wood that hums against my hip bone we can’t afford to do anyone harm because we owe them our lives each breath is recycled from someone else’s lungs our enemies are the very air in disguise you can talk a great philosophy but if you can’t be kind to people every day then it doesn’t mean that much to me it’s the little things you do it’s the little things you say it’s the love that you give along the way when we patch things up they say a job well done but when we ask the question why where did the rips come from they say we are subversive and extreme of course we are just trying to track a problem to it’s source we are looking for the holes because we know we can’t sit back and let people come to harm we owe them our lives each breath is recycled from someone else’s lungs our enemies are the very air our enemies are the air

about

Not So Soft is both lullaby and wake up call. Ani's rhythmic acoustic guitar playing and politically dense lyricism make for a melodious journey of personal discovery. The Folksinger's sentiments are as witty and humorous as ever. Using her voice as musical accompaniment the effect is stunning.

This solo record is filled with honesty and the quiet plucking of heartstrings. "Anticipate" and "Not So Soft" sometimes sneak their way into the setlist and are undoubtedly crowd pleasers. Ten other tunes at large in the shadow of America's landscape range from bedroom scenes to bus stops. AIDS, corporate structure, gender dynamics, war and love are some heavy topics made light.

"Gratitude" and " The Next Big Thing" explore feminism through stories of expectation. "She Says", "Make Me Stay" , "Itch", "Rockabye" , and "The Whole Night" spin tales of love and desire.

Not So Soft is full of guitar grooves and philosophic musings from someone who's not afraid to talk to strangers. In a desert of recycled rhetoric this one is as original as the forest floor.

Before they were Poems: "Those Who Call The Shots Are Never In The Line of Fire" was first written on Ani's protest placard for an anti-war march.
Artwork: Cover art by the Folksinger
Players: Solo
Instrumentation: Acoustic Guitar, Conga, and Dust Broom
Touring Status: Can she play here?
RBR: Cassette tapes in heavy circulation and dubbing upon 1991 release.
Misc. You can pick up a guitar at a pawnshop for under a hundred bucks. You still have to learn how to play it, and Ani's been at it since age 8.

"Articulate reflections on a fully engaged young life."
- ROBERT CHRISTGAU, THE VILLAGE VOICE

credits

released November 1, 1991

1991, 1991 Righteous Babe Records distributed by United For Opportunity

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Ani DiFranco New Orleans, Louisiana

Grammy winner and feminist icon Ani DiFranco began her career as a proponent of the artist-run label, creating her own Righteous Babe Records in 1990. Since then she has released over twenty studio albums and supported a broad range of social causes including racial justice, reproductive rights, gender equality, environmental issues and prison reform. ... more

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