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Knuckle Down

by Ani DiFranco

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1.
Knuckledown 04:34
that's just my cowgirl alter-ego riding on her bar room bull dripping with the sweat of irony as the cowboys whoop and drool shooting glances at the mirror to see if her scar is showing she is truly going nowhere tonight lecherous old lady wanna-be much too young and shy flailing her whole life just thinking she can teach herself to fly vehement romantic frantic for forever right now but forever's going nowhere tonight sick of goading her self-loathing she thinks, i think i'd better leave 'course whiskey makes me smarter and i'm happy as can be but please excuse me darlin it's not you it's me and there's a dusty old dust storm on mars, they say so tonight you can't see it too clear still i stood in line to look through their telescope looked like a distant ship light as seen from a foggy pier and i know that i was warned still it was not what i hoped yes i know that i was warned still it was not what i hoped i think i'm done gunnin to get closer to some imagined bliss i gotta knuckle down and just be ok with this i'm gonna knuckle down just be ok with this 'course that star struck girl is already someone i miss i swear some stuff you just see better from further away and i think i communicate best now, the less i say and i can't dance if the band can't play and the vibe is going nowhere tonight 'cuz somewhere between Hollywood and its pretty happiness and an anguish so infinite it's anybody's guess is a place where people are all teachers and this just one long class and that ass will get you nowhere tonight there's a dusty old dust storm on mars they say so tonight you can't see it too clear still i stood in line to look through their telescope looked like a distant ship light as seen from a foggy pier and i know that i was warned still it was not what i hoped yeah i know that i was warned still it was not what i hoped i think i'm done gunnin to get closer to some imagined bliss i gotta knuckle down just be ok with this gotta knuckle down just be ok with this 'course that star struck girl is already someone i miss
2.
i am out here studying stones trying to learn to be less alive using all of my will to keep very still still even on the inside i've cut all of the pertinent wires so my eyes can't make that connection i am holding my breath i am feigning my death when i'm looking in your direction 'course numb is an old hat old as my oldest memories see that one's my mother and that one's my father and that one in the hat, that's me it's a skill i'd hoped to abandon when i got out on the open road but any more pent up emotion and i think i'm gonna explode there's never been an endeavor so strange as trying to slow the blood in my veins to keep my face blank as a stone that just sank until not a ripple remains i am high above the tree line sitting cross legged on the ground when all of the forbidden fruit has fallen and rotted that's when i'm gonna come down 'course numb is an old hat old as my oldest memories see that one's my mother and that one's my father and that one in the hat, that's me it's a skill i'd hoped to abandon when i got out on the open road but any more pent up emotion and i think i'm gonna explode
3.
Manhole 03:45
i'm holding here a book notable, but not the greatest stolen for me by the latest in a long line of thieves and i'm just about to drop it down that manhole of memories when i realize it doesn't bother me like love's mementos usually do and i look up to see who's different here the latest me or the latest you course, you're the kind of guy who doesn't lie he just doctors everything chooses some unassuming finger and quietly moves his wedding ring who rewrites his autobiography for any pretty girl who'll sing but you can't fool the queen, baby cuz i married the king and maybe it was i who betrayed his majesty with no opposite reality like a puddle with no reflection of the sky or the trees but after my dreaded beheading i tied that sucker back on with a string and i guess i'm pretty different now considering i kissed you on the street that night on the far side of four but i didn't like the taste in my mouth or yours and ignoring the persona you wore for my benefit for once i had the balls to call it just call it but a lesson must be lived in order to be learned and the clarity to see and stop this now that is what i've earned and maybe it was i who betrayed his majesty with no opposite reality like a puddle with no reflection of the sky or the trees but after my dreaded beheading i tied that sucker back on with a string and i guess i'm pretty different now considering i'm holding here a book notable, but not the greatest stolen for me by the latest in a long line of thieves and i'm just about to drop it down that manhole of memories when i realize it doesn't bother me and heartache not so dire cuz i looked up to see integrity finally won over desire
4.
sunday morning slow beats seething through the screens in the open windows eggs frying legs shaking after we stayed lying so long in bed sunday morning both of us reading and looking up occasionally looking up occasionally sunday morning you're doing your thing and i am doing mine speaking words more a formality cuz we can feel we are of one mind sunday morning sheets still warm kitties swarming around our feet life comes easy your sweet company making it so complete of all the monday through fridays we joined the crusade of all the saturday nights in which we were made of all the exorcisms i've done with your ghosts still it's sunday morning i miss you the most
5.
Modulation 04:31
in order to say thank you to you i must do it intentionally but tonight with every breath i can feel my death sure as i can feel my knees you were my modulation so that's what you will always be we took each other higher we set each other free course, neither of us were wearing helmets and our blood was just everywhere and when the morphine kicked in later the censors threw their hands up in despair and that's when the truth came marching in and promptly pulled the plug but you were better than any drug you were better than any drug in order to say thank you to you i must do it intentionally but tonight with every breath i can feel my death sure as i can feel my knees you were my modulation and that's what you will always be we took each other higher then we set each other free we set each other free
6.
you're my seeing eye dog and i am blind you take me there every time with that winning combination of loyal and kind your eyes like wells to the water of your mind i want to take a long, cool drink from your bucket to every thought i could think now, i say fuck it i just want to go with how i feel like my only job here is to care for and covet you, dear i love the way your stories seem to fall from your lips with just enough slobber so it sparkles and drips the way you hang the whole room on a word like a little stick in the beak of a bird first we touched fingers and then we touched toes then my army surrendered my government overthrown i threw myself a little role reversal and followed you home just dying to be chewed the dog was chosen by the bone be my seeing eye dog cuz i am blind just take me there one more time with that winning combination of loyal and kind your eyes like wells to the water of your mind i want to take a long, cool drink from your bucket to every thought i could think now, i say fuck it i just want to go with how i feel like my only job here is to care for and covet you, dear
7.
Lag Time 05:13
there's really no hope for me and that three second rule somethin gets dropped and still i'm the slowest damn fool slow to realize what's really going on slow to know in a moment who or what has gone wrong i wanna tighten down on the lag time your consonants were buzzing around your head like flies your true colors were showing and your shape and your size you were drinking your way though it i was shrinking right there inside of my clothes my eventual twenty/twenty arms crossed tapping her toe i gotta tighten down on the lag time survivors are part turtle we are part potato bug we know enough to go fetal 'til it's still up above and you gotta crawl through the desert between when you hear it and when you can play it with your hands just to rendezvous with whoever you are when you finally understand i gotta tighten down on the lag time i wanna tighten down on the lag time gotta tighten down on the lag time
8.
Parameters 05:58
thirty-three years go by and not once do you come home to find a man sitting in your bedroom that is a man you don't know who came a long way to deliver one very specific message: lock your back door, you idiot however invincible you imagine yourself to be you are wrong thirty-three years go by and you loosen the momentum of teenage nightmares your breasts hang like a woman's and you don't jump at shadows anymore instead you may simply pause to admire those that move with the grace of trees dancing past streetlights and you walk through your house without turning on lamps sure of the angle from door to table from table to staircase sure of the number of steps seven to the landing two to turn right then seven more sure you will stroll serenely on the moving walkway of memory across your bedroom and collapse with a sigh onto your bed shoes falling thunk thunk onto the floor and there will be no strange man suddenly all that time sitting there sitting there on what must be the prize chair in your collection of uncomfortable chairs with a wild look in his eyes and hands that you cannot see holding what? you do not know so sure are you of the endless drumming rhythm of your isolation that you are painfully slow to adjust if only because yours is not that genre of story still and again, life cannot muster the stuff of movies no bullets shattering glass instead fear sits patiently fear almost smiles when you finally see him though you have kept him waiting for thirty-three years and now he has let himself in and he has brought you fistfuls of teenage nightmares though you think you see, in your naivete that he is empty handed and this brings you great relief at the time new as you are, really, to the idea that even after you've long since gotten used to the parameters they can all change while you're out one night having a drink with a friend some big hand may be turning a big dial switching channels on your dreams until you find yourself lost in them and watching your daily life with the sound off and of course having cautiously turned down the flame under your eyes there are more shadows around everything your vision a dim flashlight that you have to shake all the way to the outhouse your solitude elevating itself like the spirit of the dead presiding over your supposed repose not really sleep at all just a sleeping position and a series of suspicious sounds a clanking pipe a creaking branch the footfalls of a cat all of this and maybe the swish of the soft leather of your intruder's coat as you walk him step by step back to the door having talked him down off the ledge of a very bad idea soft leather, big feet, almond eyes the kinds of details the police officer would ask for later with his clipboard and his pistol in your hallway
9.
Callous 05:50
you cried and you cried and you cried wolf so it took me a minute to understand that you really were hurt bad that day you deeply cut your hand and then that look that you gave me sent me rushing through guilt's door i'd already started to feel callous like i really should care more it was my work that kept me upright so you called it a crutch while i drifted off into dreams of such and such and by the time we'd come full circle we knew exactly what to do just keep looking at the triangle instead of what it's pointing to but you can't will yourself happy you can't will your cunt wet you can't keep standing at the station pretending you're being met you can't wear a sign that says 'yours' when that ain't what you get it flows and flows away from me my love is a stream your love is a vaudeville show so charming and obscene we both had our moments we both had our fun and then i hated to prove 'em all right all those who said i'd run but you can't will yourself happy you can't will your cunt wet you can't keep standing at the station pretending you're being met you can't keep wearing a sign that says 'yours' when that ain't what you get
10.
Paradigm 04:33
i was born to two immigrants who knew why they were here they were happy to pay taxes for the schools and roads happy to be here they took it seriously the second job of citizenry my mother went campaigning door to door and holding to her hand was me i was just a girl in a room full of women licking stamps and laughing i remember the feeling of community brewing of democracy happening but i suppose like anybody i had to teach myself to see all that stuff that got lost on its way to church all that stuff that got lost on its way to school all that stuff that got lost on its way to the house of my family all that stuff that was not lost on me teach myself to see each of us through the lens of forgiveness like we're stuck with each other (god forbid!) teach myself to smile and stop and talk to a whole other color kid teach myself to be new in an instant like the truth is accessible at any time teach myself it's never really one or the other there's a paradox in every paradigm i was just a girl in a room full of women licking stamps and laughing i remember the feeling of community brewing of democracy happening
11.
Minerva 04:55
you wandered in to the forest following that shiny red ball and by the time you looked up you were lost but that's not all you confused your journey with my journey you tried to nail me like minerva to your bow but my job here is not to deliver you but to hold a mirror till you see how oh say can you see me oh say can you see me oh say can you see me over here? you want me to tell you a story but i am weary of entertaining i'll have more to say when i'm happy 'course, then i'll have less to sing but there's no me left for me no incidental time of day no wild adventures except in darkness so dark i'd rather not say oh say can you see me oh say can you see me oh say can you see me over here? over here way over here
12.
Recoil 05:10
come home and my guitar has nothin to say to me i recoil from all my friends and then i'm in misery been so long since i've been held really since i was his probably just need to be held that’s probably all it is course, then i think of my dad who time travels mostly now back to when he was free and holding out hope somehow who sits all day in a line of wheelchairs against a wall inventing ways to play out time like us all like us all to all the people out there tonight who are comforting themselves if you should happen to see my light you can stop and ring my bell i'm just sittin here in this sty strewn with half written songs taking one breath at a time nothin much going on nothin much going on little flashing zero on my answering machine rats scratching at my brain brain shuffling its feet yes i have my father's heart it may or may not keep on trying can't really tell you what it is keeps me this side of that dark line but i'm not there to take care of him and i'm not here to take care of me i'm going outside to watch the house burn down across the street i'm going outside to watch the house burn down across the street to all the people out there tonight who are comforting themselves if you should happen to see my light you can stop and ring my bell i'm just sitting here in this sty strewn with half written songs taking one breath at a time nothin much going on nothin much going on

about

For Knuckle Down Ani invited a fellow musician to co-produce the new record with her. That honor went to Joe Henry, an acclaimed performer and songwriter.

"I invited him out to share the stage, and we just struck up a friendship and started talking about making records—which both of us do, serially [laughs]—and really hit it off. We had a real lively creative dialogue going, so I took that as my cue to step out of my solitude and work with a co-producer for the first time—invite collaboration back into my life," Ani says. Another major change: Ani composed new songs with their role in the future album in mind, "This time, I had not only a deadline, but a context to write for: the group of musicians that I was gonna work with, and the where, how, and when of the record. I knew I wanted to have string accompaniment on this record—I thought I'd get string-y with it rather than get horn-y with it like I have in the past—use those kinds of colors."

On her last album, Educated Guess (2004), DiFranco performed completely solo, playing all the instruments, recording the tracks in her own home, and even engineering the disc herself. This time around, while a few songs are still primarily one-person affairs, she's also joined by more than half a dozen guest musicians throughout the album. Many of their names will be recognizable to people who have followed Ani's recent career: current stage partner Todd Sickafoose (on bass), former band member Julie Wolf (melodica), occasional openers Tony Scherr (electric guitar), and Noe Venable (voice), as well as Righteous Babe recording artist Andrew Bird (violin, glockenspiel, whistling). Less familiar to fans but equally notable are the contributions of Patrick Warren (piano, samples, chamberlin), Jay Bellerose (drums and percussion), and Niki Haris (voice)

The music Ani has created with their help is as stunning as ever, from such poignant yet instantly irresistible tunes as "Studying Stones" and "Recoil" to the spoken-word piece "Parameters," a harrowing account of a woman finding an uninvited stranger in her bedroom one night. On "Paradigm," Ani recalls helping her mother's efforts at grassroots activism, when she was "just a girl in a room full of women / licking stamps and laughing," an image that becomes a perfect symbol of "the feeling of community brewing / of democracy happening."

Through twelve new songs as intricately crafted as short stories, Ani DiFranco creates an unforgettable musical self-portrait of a woman coming to grips with love's twists and turns, confronting the legacy of her family, and learning to live on her own terms.

"...masterful at painting in the blues and grays of everyday emotion... great songs of love and alienation."
- SPIN MAGAZINE

credits

released January 25, 2005

2001, 2001 Righteous Babe Records distributed by United For Opportunity

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Ani DiFranco New Orleans, Louisiana

Grammy winner and feminist icon Ani DiFranco began her career as a proponent of the artist-run label, creating her own Righteous Babe Records in 1990. Since then she has released over twenty studio albums and supported a broad range of social causes including racial justice, reproductive rights, gender equality, environmental issues and prison reform. ... more

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